I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
