At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
