Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
