I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
