I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Randomize
