If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
