That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just threw up on my dentist
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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