i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
