so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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