so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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