her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
