the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you had me at cake vodka
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
