I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
