Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
