So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
