Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
