yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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