I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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