you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
should my penis look like a turkey
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
