just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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