I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
