I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
