just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
