My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
