this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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