Your dad touched me again.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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