I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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