sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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