In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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