Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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