new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
