You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
