I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
