Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
