You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
