from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
