There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
