Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
