You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
