I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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