Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
