so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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