Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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