he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
