Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
