So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
