Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
