My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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