When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
