Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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