clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
