i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My cat gives me a boner
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
