You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Fuck appropriateness.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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