Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
