Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
