Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
