Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
