I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
