How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
