after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
