Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
