Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
