He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
