there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
