I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
