It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
