I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
it hurts more in the daytime
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
