they need to just BURY HIM!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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