if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
