puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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