Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
